Hayay Sarah


 “Now if you will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me. And if not, tell me, that I may turn to the right hand or to the left.”  Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, “The thing comes from the Lord; we cannot speak to you either bad or good.”  Genesis 24:49-50

This is a curious phrase.  Why would they say nothing good or bad about Rebecca?   It is understandable why they would not say anything bad as that would constitute lashon ha-ra, the sin of gossip.  But why avoid saying good things?  

In the Garden of Eden, chapter 2 verse 18, God declares that He will make for Adam a fitting helper.  Ezer k’negdo is the Hebrew for "fitting helper.”  Yet that means much more than that. It indicates that a real mate someone who loves you dearly and someone who will correct you when you were wrong and laud you when you do well. It is not  someone who always advances your cause or refuses to rebuke you when you have done something wrong.

A relationship founded on mutual respect and love is one where each person helps refine the character of the other.  For this reason the relationship that Isaac and Rebecca will establish with one another is dependent upon their respect and love.  That is why in the Eshet Hayil, King Solomon’s paean of love, he writes, “She does good and not evil all the days of her life.”   Good does not mean accepting bad behavior; it indicates sufficient love between them to complement one another, help each other become the best person they can be.

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